Trust Issues

With tissues and tears all over the dinner plate below me, my mother says, “Alli, I think you have trust issues.” This was after a long conversation about the fears I am facing with the upcoming decisions I have to make in the next 6 months. No offense to my mother, but she was not the first person so say this to me. I have recently also been told this by my best friends.  Even during prayer, I can hear God softly whispering “Alli, why do you not trust in me?” It’s sad, I have to constantly remind myself that God is in control of my life and no matter what I choose to do, right or wrong, God is in control and only His will is being done. I mean, if I choose to trust Him or not, that statement is still true, but if I choose to not truth, I will just be a slave to the weight of worry and stress. Which one sounds better to you?

You see, I have big decisions to make here in the next few months. Which Christian school do I transfer to after I finish my Associates? Will I still have a job after the Holiday season is over? Will I have enough money to live on my own let alone move to another state? Do I live a life I feel called to away from my best friends and family? These decisions are big, huge and stressful. One chooses leading into another. And I so often feel the full weight of these chooses as if I myself can screw them up. Some people call me a worrier. I agree. Some people say I am a control freak with making plans. I agree. So when given the idea that I probably have trust issues, then yes, I agree.

I know that the root of these worries and stresses are that I am not fully trusting in God. Sometimes I do but sometimes I don’t. I feel insecure because I can’t control the future and I am in constant fear that God really don’t have my best interest at heart. Where did this begin? Who knows? Probably past heartbreaks, deaths, plans not going right, parent issues, and the list could go on and on. But the true cause is Satan. I know this to be true because Satan wants nothing more than for us to be trusting in ourselves instead of God. It’s easy to fall when only looking at your own feet instead of keeping your eyes up and on God.

So how do I fix this? Well… I find that it is easy to forget the character of God. And if you don’t know the character of God then why would you prayer to or let alone trust in something you didn’t know? Make sense? Even we Christians can find ourselves believing what the world says our God is like, so it is super important to stay in the Word of God and learn about who He really is. Psalms is the best book, I believe, to help with getting to know the character of God. So read that, as I am. But nevertheless, I still put in here some bible verses that I really like and are helping/strengthening me to overcome this problem.

Jeremiah 17:7 “But blessed is the one who trust in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.”

Isaiah 26:4 “Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord alone, is the eternal rock.”

Isaiah 55:9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher then your thoughts.”

Isaiah 2:22 “Stop trusting in mere humans, who have but a breath in their nostrils. Why hold them in esteem?”

Psalm 56:4 “In God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”

Psalm 28:7 “The Lord is my strength and my shield. My heart trusts in Him and He helps me.”

Psalm 62:8 “Trust in the Lord at all times, you people, pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.”

Psalm 31:14: But I trust in you, Lord, I say, You are my God.”

Psalm 22:4 “In you our ancestors put their trust. They trusted and you delivered them.

Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord who’s purpose will prevail.”

Proverbs 20:24 “A persons steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand their own way?

Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

Romans 4:5 “However, to the one who does not work but trust in God, who justifies the ungodly, their faith is credited as righteousness.”

Matthew 6:26 “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you no much more valuable then they?

Matthew 6:33-34: “Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.”

So here is my prayer:

I’m sorry God. I’m sorry that I have such a hard time trusting You with my life. Trusting in You that everything is in Your mightily, powerful hands and is working for my best, always. I’m sorry that I look at your discipline as punishment instead of perfect molding. You keep me safe and out of trouble, yet when You take things away, I get made at You. I’m sorry that I look at you like you’re a monster instead of our justified creator. Please take this sense of entitlement away so that I may be humbled. I say, “this isn’t fair” instead of thanking you that you are not giving me what is truly fair, because if you were, then I’d be going to hell. God, you are perfect, perfectly good, perfectly merciful and just. You have an unfailing love that you pour out on me, yet, I still can’t trust you. I am so sorry. Why do I choose to trust and follow myself instead of The One who knows everything? I need You to help me to trust in You. I need You to remind me threw prayer and the scriptures of Your love and faithfulness. Help me to trust that everything that happens in my life is from You, by You and in Your control. Please take this unbelief from me, take this weight that wasn’t even rightfully mine in the first place to carry. For I want to and I will trust in the Lord.

The idea of “Trust”is actually very simple. Just doing it is the hard part. Trust is also one of those things that you can’t just fix once. You’ll probably have to deal with it threw out your life. I am just choosing to not let myself become a slave to it any longer than I have to, and to see this demon before it attacks.

Isn't it a wonderful life?