Commitment

About two weeks ago I was a bridesmaid in my older sister Angela’s wedding. It was a beautiful wedding. My sister was gorgeous and my new brother in law is one that I am very thankful for. I cried during their vows and for the father daughter dance. I cried because there is SO much meaning behind all the actions in a wedding. By itself, the whole father walking his daughter down the aisle in her white dress alone has so much meaning that I’ve heard whole sermons on it.


Since the wedding, I have done a lot of thinking about… well… weddings. Just in the last year, I have been to five weddings and I already have two more lined up for next summer. HOLY CRAP! Why the heck is everyone getting married? Gosh people, take a chill pill on your crazy love thing. Ha, I might just be a little, tiny bit jealous since there is no one special in my life. But I recently realized that almost all of my close relationships are with women who are practically engaged or already married. Half of them are my age and the other half are all my sisters.


I heard a sermon a few weeks ago on the idea of love and marriage. This Pastor was saying how love alone doesn’t make a married work. It is a mix of love and commitment. Commitment is based on being selfless, not selfish. Love is an emotion that drives our actions but commitment is a choice to stick by someone. Love can fade or easily be subdued when anger is in the room. But commitment is what keeps two people together.


And after much thought, I must say that I totally agree with this Pastor. I realized how committed my God is, to not just to me but every person on the planet. God is Love but He is also Commitment. I am SO thankful to have a Lord who is always choosing to be with me, chase after me when I’m mad and love on me when I’m sad. The whole reason we even have marriage is to help us better understand the never ending commitment our God has for us. God has set the perfect example that we should let guide us in commitment. God NEVER leaves. We should try to stay committed to others the way God is committed to us. (Now I know there are good biblical reasons for and against divorce but I'm not talking about that. So put those thoughts aside.)


Having a ring on your finger after a wedding is nice but it does not entrust commitment. The ring is beautiful but it is just a symbol of the promise of love. The ring is a nice reminder that your love is never ending, circular. But like many of us know, love may be never ending but it sure can be slim to none at times. So the never ending part is where commitment comes in. A wedding is based on love but everything that happens after the wedding is based upon your commitment to each other. Do you see how they are connected in marriage? Love is commitment and commitment is love. They are the same. But they are used at different times. One is used when life is easy and the other is used when life gets hard.


After realizing all of this, I took a look at my generation, the American culture and the world, I saw how uncommitted we as people really are. I mean, look at our divorce rate! Over 50% of couples get divorces, Christian and none. Even worse we have a doubling amount of adultery according in the marriages that ultimately lead to the increasing divorce rate. Don't even get me started on the huge percentage of single mom’s with fathers no where to be found. Now I truly understand why my grandmother said that the word Love is way to easily thrown around now days. What is love without commitment? Well, it is the statistics I just gave you. Doesn’t that make you angry?


Where is the commitment? What even is commitment? I looked up many different definitions on the word and found that the best way to define it is with the word pledge. To commit or pledge to stick by someone or something above all cost. So now you know. Do it.


But no matter what our government, schools or churches teach us about the worth or unworth in marriage, there will always be the word Commitment to make us ponder. You are either committed or not. There is no inbetween. I bet the average person can give you a great definition of commitment but I also bet they can’t give a good example of a couple who actually are committed to one another. Out of everyone in my life that I have ever come across, only four of them have parents that are still married. What kind of example of commitment is that? I’m sick of being shown what not to do instead of what we should do. Thanks a lot parents. No really, thanks so much to the parents who are actually trying to do marriage right and set a good example for their children. Because most parents just don’t care. They don’t care about anyone by themselves. The lack of commitment in a relationship is completely selfish. People are selfish. Love is selfless. Misxing the two is hard but it came  be done. People just need to learn how to be selfless. Like Christ said to be.


If you are not ready for commitment (A pledge to stick by above all cost.) then don’t get married… better yet don’t even date. We need to stop going around “loving” every datable person that walks by. In the American culture love just means sex, not commitment, but there is nothing that says commitment more than a positive pregnancy test now is there? But sadly without those wedding bands I talked about earlier, commitment to run away from a baby is still an option. Commitment or marriage may just be a words but look at the power they have.


I really hope that my generation is going to get this. I hope that more people are going to get a clue on what real commitment is. And marriage. A marriage that will push through all hardships. I hope that the divorce rate is going to come down twenty percent in the next ten years. I hope that children will be able to look at their parents love and commitment and want the same instead of seeking something different because their parents marriage sucked.


To hope these things is all I have left. I can’t do anything but hope that these things will change because I personally don’t want to be the next one to suffer from the lack of commitment. I want to be 100% committed to my husband even when I’m angry enough to hate him. I want to still choose commitment even when love is hard to find in my marriage. And I can only hope that my future husband will do the same with me because divorce is not an option in my book.


When I look at the last five couple who have gotten married in my life I have more hope. All of them have made it clear to each other and everyone else that divorce is not an option, commitment is the only road they are taking. And, so far so good.


So here is my marriage philosophy… We all want someone to love us enough to stay committed to us and be committed enough to us to love us when they don’t feel like it. If you have that, then your marriage will last.


Isn’t it a wonderful life?